Pony Fortress 2: Meet the Soldier

Open on BLU Pinkie Pyro burninating with an evil laugh. Quick zoom out to show off her flamethrower taunt; however, a rocket hits her and she goes boom.

Cut to BLU Democora. She takes an imaginary sip from her ladle, only to get gibbed mid-taunt.

Cut to BLU Macintosh. He points a hoof right at us.
Mac: POW! (kaboom)
[title card. Brief drumbeat after the fanfare]

Upper-body shot of RED Soldier Ditzy walking back and forth in front of a line of blue helmeted heads.
Ditzy: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" Sun Hoof said that, and I'd say she knows a little (smacks one helmet) more about fighting than you do, pal, because she invented it! And then she perfected it so that no living pony could best her in the ring of honor!

Cut to Ditzy brandishing a cloud shovel (trust me) and screaming her head off. Drum pattern as she charges into battle, now inexplicably wielding her shotgun. Back view of her shooting down a BLU Democora. Change to a front view as one of the spare grenades falls behind her and explodes a la Michael Bay. She switches to her rocket launcher.

As she crosses the screen, BLU FLuttermedic emerges on a balcony behind her, firing her syringe gun.
Mac: Behind ya!

Ditzy: *turns around* Not for long! (she fires, and poor Fluttershy goes boom)
We get a brief picture of RED Twilight Sniper running past. She says something along the lines of "Nice!" to Ditzy; it's hard to hear over the increasingly dramatic BGM and Mac yelling "GO, GO, GO!" Camera zooms out and back into an overhead shot of the battlefield. Rockets are flying everywhere for some reason.

Cut back to Soldier Ditzy addressing the heads.
Ditzy: Then she used her fight money to buy two of every animal on earth (unhooks the frag grenades on her bandolier), and then she herded them onto a boat (mimes herding with the grenades), and then she beat the crap out of every single one of 'em! (SLAMS THE GRENADES TOGETHER REPEATEDLY)

Back to the battlefield, RED Rainbow Scout is using some wooden thing for cover.
Rainbow: Sentry up there!
Ditzy charges in, rocket-jumping on top of a pipe to avoid a charging BLU Macintosh. Brief sequence of her running along the pipe.

Back view--she's reached the control point, which BLU Pinkie/Macintosh are guarding. She leaps down and rockets the both of them. As she lands, BLU Spyrity decloaks and raises her knife...

Not to worry! Ditzy turns around smacks her with the shovel! Freeze image of Rarity's face turned toward the camera, eyes closed and blood coming from her mouth.

Back to wherever Ditzy's addressing the heads. She chuckles at some fond memory.
Ditzy (in "serious mode"): And from that day forward, every time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a ZOO! *helmet flies up for a second, letting us fully see her crossed eyes*

Silence. We get a full view of Ditzy's audience for the first time--decapitated merc heads on a fence covered in blood at the top. One falls off.
<outro>

Close-up of Ditzy delivering one final remark to the fallen head.
Ditzy: Farms don't count!